When a client arrives at therapy, one of the most common questions is:
“Why has this happened to me? Why has fate, God, or the universe been so cruel?”
These are profound and meaningful questions because seeking and finding symbolic meaning in suffering allows emotional trauma to be transformed, helping a person move forward.
However, this is far from easy—especially when trauma has been caused by those closest to us. Carl Gustav Jung compares such experiences to being caught “between a hammer and an anvil,” where the Self acts as the blacksmith. Without emotional pain and turmoil, there is no personal growth.
Perhaps the most difficult challenge is the collapse of idealization—when the reality of someone or something we once held in high regard shatters before our eyes. At that moment, one must reevaluate priorities.
Sometimes, letting go is necessary. Imagine finding pantry moths in your food supplies—most likely, every open package would need to be thrown away, leaving only the sealed ones intact.
Similarly, in relationships—except in cases of severe victimization or deeply significant bonds, a person may choose to distance themselves to avoid being repeatedly exposed to psychological harm.
This is the moment when one is left alone with themselves and/or with their therapist, and the healing process begins.
Healing, as Seen in Nature
This autumn, I observed a pumpkin that had been nibbled by snails. Initially, I thought it would have to be used first for soup, but then I noticed something fascinating—it began healing itself. The damaged areas hardened over, forming a protective layer no weaker than its original thick skin.
Nature has already thought of such things.
Therefore, my wish for everyone is: take care of yourself—make sure there aren’t too many “greedy snails” around you.
How to Recognize Them?
Your own feelings will be the most truthful guide.
If being in a relationship frequently brings up:
- guilt,
- shame,
- pain,
- sadness,
- disappointment,
then it’s time to reevaluate and analyze what is causing these emotions—and most importantly, draw conclusions.
A Poem by Austra Skujina – “Renunciation”
I give you all I have,
All that exists in this world.
A vast chasm between us—
A path between shores divided.
I cannot cross it,
Let me go away,
To search and to find
That which I hold dear.
Let me go away,
And do not ask why.
The poppy of dreams
Does not long for eternity.
(Austra Skujina)
✨ May we all find the strength to walk away from what no longer serves us and move toward what brings true meaning. ✨
Psychotherapy 
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