Retraumatization

It is an adaptive response developed to cope with a past traumatic experience. If we were to observe from the outside, it might seem as though the person is exaggerating—exaggerating their fear of the dark, fear of their boss, fear of their partner, etc., in situations where, on the surface, nothing significant appears to be happening. Reflecting on my work with clients, I can think of countless situations that illustrate retraumatization.

Why have I chosen to write about this topic now? Because so many people experience daily emotional pain and suffering, which genuinely interferes with their ability to wake up in the morning, go to work, care for their children, and handle everyday responsibilities. It disrupts their ability to function normally, making seasonal changes, politics, and other matters seem insignificant—because their main concern is emotional survival, simply enduring each moment of the day.

How does retraumatization happen, and how does it interfere with daily life?

For example, a person who has repeatedly experienced rejection from their parents (emotional abuse) and never developed a secure attachment might later encounter the same patterns at school—becoming an outcast, mocked, and excluded. As an adult, this person may react intensely to jokes or criticism from friends, colleagues, or acquaintances. They may feel deep distress at the thought of being laughed at again, feeling uninteresting, unseen, and rejected. They might notice others avoiding them at social gatherings, feel that conversations exclude them, or perceive that they are often interrupted. As a result, they may start avoiding events where they previously experienced retraumatization or where there is a risk of reliving it.

Women (and men) who have suffered from sexual violence may experience sudden flashbacks during moments of intimacy, recalling the traumatic experience along with all its associated emotions. This can make intimacy emotionally painful or even impossible.

If, as a child, someone experienced extreme fear due to their parents’ aggression—whether physical or verbal (e.g., shouting or long, moralizing lectures)—and was emotionally traumatized by it, these fears do not simply disappear upon reaching adulthood. When studying, forming romantic relationships, or working, these deep-seated fears can resurface. Dissociation (confusion, a feeling of being disconnected from reality, making it difficult to react appropriately) can become a primary defense mechanism. When a teacher or boss exhibits aggressive behavior similar to that of a parent, we may witness a complete absence of response—an inability to react appropriately. From an outsider’s perspective, we might see a frightened, blushing, or even crying colleague and wonder why they are so affected by something seemingly minor.

Retraumatization can occur in the most unexpected situations.

For instance, eating a bowl of meatball soup might suddenly bring back memories of childhood abuse from a father who once forced them to eat it. Going on a hike with friends or colleagues might trigger recollections of childhood neglect or being ignored by parents or classmates.

If a traumatic experience remains unprocessed, it can often manifest as autoaggression—self-destructive behaviors, negative self-talk, or self-sabotage—so it is essential to address it.

There are many films about this topic, but one of the most striking depictions, in my opinion, is Patrick Melrose.

With this article, I encourage everyone to listen to themselves, to observe their surroundings, and to notice how relationships are formed and influenced by past experiences.