Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships

As the holiday season approaches,

it’s a good time to reassess old burdens, especially those that cause headaches and sleepless nights—such as toxic relationships.

Toxic relationships are marked by a distorted perception of reality and a loss of inner integrity during or after interactions with a specific person. Everything you say is perceived in a warped manner, as if that person has a shard of the troll’s mirror from Andersen’s The Snow Queen stuck in their eye. No matter how hard you try to communicate in good faith, your words will lose their meaning in dialogue with them.

How to Recognize That You Are in a Toxic Relationship?

Clients often ask me, How can I tell if I’m truly in a toxic relationship?
There isn’t a single definitive answer, but I’ll offer some insights on how to recognize the signs:

1. You begin to realize that you are not seen as a person—instead, the other person projects their own unresolved issues onto you. That’s why self-awareness is crucial—to know and understand yourself so that someone else’s projections don’t create self-doubt or guilt.
2. Your “No” is not accepted as an expression of self-care but is instead perceived as rejection or even a catastrophe. This often leads to emotional outbursts, manipulative behavior, triangulation, and other toxic patterns that violate personal boundaries.
3. Hurt people hurt others—sometimes unintentionally, but still as a way to boost their own self-esteem at someone else’s expense. A happy and self-assured person respects others’ needs and boundaries.
4. You feel used—you are burdened with responsibilities you cannot decline, making you feel trapped.
5. Reality in conversations becomes distorted—like looking into a funhouse mirror. Your words are twisted, questioned, or dismissed, making you doubt your own reality (Gaslighting).
6. Boundaries are ignored or outright violated—physically, verbally, or emotionally.
7. Your emotions (anger, excitement, joy) are seen as inappropriate—you are told how you should feel and how you should react to important life events.
8. The other person never takes responsibility for their actions, words, or behavior. They will always blame external circumstances, other people—or you. If you voice your discomfort, it will be brushed aside or turned against you.

Toxic people hate boundaries. Likely, someone in their past violated their own boundaries repeatedly, and now, influenced by their unresolved complexes or negative Animus, they impose the same behavior on others.

What Can You Do?

💡 The healthiest (and hardest) option is often to leave. Protect your integrity, values, mental peace, and sleep.

💡 If leaving is not possible, communicate clearly about what is not working in the relationship. If your needs continue to be ignored and responsibility is never taken, then it’s time to make conclusions and take steps to protect yourself from further emotional harm.

💡 Stay focused on the conversation topic when speaking to a toxic person. They will try to divert the discussion, leading to confusion or even dissociation—where your thoughts feel scattered. If that happens, take a few deep breaths and return to the original conversation objective.

💡 Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself until you are heard. Your voice matters.

Final Words

I wish you all a warm and peaceful holiday season, surrounded by people who love, respect, and honor your boundaries. ✨