Dependence & Codependence

Human differentiation or individuation appears as two processes that take place in human relations with each other.

These processes continuously work in parallel both internally and externally. Internally, differentiation is a person’s ability to see another person as a separate and autonomous individuality, and the ability to separate thoughts from emotions.
Deeply personal, differentiation refers to a state in which a person acts independently, especially in situations when a person is angry.
The opposite of human differentiation is unification. Such a person is not aware of himself as an individual, and his behavior is based more on emotions. This means that people do not feel their own boundaries in relationships and unknowingly violate other people’s boundaries as well. Which often leads to mutual conflicts.

Difficulties and unpleasant events happen in any family, often children take responsibility and blame, even if no one blames them, because they believe that they are responsible for the situation and conditions that have arisen in the family, and that they are able to change these family conditions that have arisen .
Unfortunate childhood experiences have at least two kinds of consequences. First, they make a person much more vulnerable to a new adverse experience. Second, they increase the likelihood that a person will encounter this type of experience again in adulthood, because they will unconsciously choose it.
In this relationship, the co-dependent partner feels protected and secure by being with the emotionally stronger co-dependent partner, while the co-dependent partner, by supporting the co-dependent, gains a sense of being needed, thus unconsciously gaining a illusory sense of belonging as a band-aid against his fears of helplessness and loneliness

Codependency criteria:
– Self-sacrifice – sacrificing personal needs to satisfy the needs of others;
– Efforts to raise self-esteem by influencing, controlling one’s own and others’ emotions and behavior;

– Identity confusion – loss of one’s identity in a relationship (a person expects continuous coexistence from a partner);
– Anxiety, distortion of boundaries of intimacy and separation;
– Harassment – controlling the behavior of others by monitoring, blaming and manipulating;

– Taking responsibility for meeting the needs of others;

– Improvement – unrealistically high expectations of oneself and others, which result in perfectionism or non-compliance.

– Behavior promoting harmful habits – compulsive behavior in order to be able to control one’s emotions;
– low self-esteem;
– health disorders related to stress.

It’s not easy everyday to be with a person who always knows everything better.
Knows what everyone should do at what moment, what is right, what is not.
But society is undeniably a winner, because in every helping profession you can find people with childhood experiences that have taught them to be very responsible, so we can always rely on them and know that at any time, be it day or night, they will rush to us to help.