From time to time,
in my work with clients, I come across the same recurring issue in relationships—a partner who is too jealous, too controlling, too critical.
This time, I will examine this problem from the perspective of women when the partner is a man. However, men who experience similar issues (which is entirely possible) can reverse the roles, considering situations where the partner is a woman, etc.
The Story That Repeats Itself
💬 “When we first met, I wasn’t particularly drawn to him. But he showered me with gifts, carried me in his arms, told me he was crazy about me, felt an unimaginable passion, said I was the most beautiful woman who had ever walked the Earth, that my body was perfect, that my style and taste were impeccable.”
💔 But after some time, everything changes completely.
Suddenly, the woman starts hearing:
❌ “You’re too fat.”
❌ “You dress terribly.”
❌ “You work too much / too little.”
Jealousy starts creeping in:
❌ “Your friends and family are more important to you than I am!”
Accusations appear—assumptions about her feelings that don’t match reality:
❌ “You don’t feel the same passion for me as I do for you.”
❌ “You don’t love me as much as I love you.”
❌ “You don’t appreciate my gifts or what I do for you.”
The Fall from the Pedestal
At this point, the initial euphoria and happiness begin to collapse.
Symbolically, it feels like a queen or princess being thrown off her throne, trampled into the mud.
When this cycle of devaluation, emotional invalidation, and constant criticism becomes a daily occurrence, the woman starts feeling:
😞 Depressed
😞 Drained
😞 Frequently crying
🔸 Friends and family begin to worry.
🔸 They offer advice:
🗣 “Just leave him! You’ll find someone else!”
🗣 “Stop torturing yourself with this relationship!”
But she can’t.
She lives in the memories of the perfect beginning, the illusion of paradise, and hopes for a miracle—that he will change back into the man who once made her feel loved.
When It Gets Worse…
🔻 As time passes, things only get worse.
Now, she is being told:
❌ “You’ve become unbearable!”
❌ “You’re too emotional, too angry!”
❌ “You’re acting just like my ex!”
❌ “You’re completely crazy!”
Then comes the next phase—blame shifting:
❌ “If you changed, everything would be better.”
❌ “If you weren’t so ___, things would be fine.”
So, she tries even harder to change.
But the more effort she puts in, the worse things become.
Eventually, he—or even their mutual friends—suggest:
🔹 “You should see a therapist.”
🔹 “You should take antidepressants.”
The Most Common Question: What Should I Do?
💡 Step 1: Start taking care of yourself.
Let go of fixing the relationship—focus on fixing yourself.
🧐 Ask yourself: What do I want from my life?
💡 Step 2: Understand that your partner will always interpret things in his own way.
Whatever you say or do can (and often will) be used against you.
🚫 You cannot change how he perceives you—unless he wants to change.
💡 Step 3: Accept that you cannot control his attitude.
Whether he chooses to change or not is entirely up to him, not you.
🙌 Is there anything you can do to make him want to change?
👉 See Step 1—start prioritizing yourself, your needs, and your well-being.
This is the only way to survive an emotionally abusive relationship—by putting yourself first.
Psychotherapy 
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