Cinderella: The Culturally Traumatized Modern Woman (and Men, Too)

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Obedient, quiet, never talking back, never openly “nagging,” never setting boundaries. Sometimes, she explodes in private or directs her pent-up frustration at her children. She is diligent, hardworking, efficient, endlessly giving, crocheting, playing games with her children, diligently fulfilling her responsibilities—not just for herself but for her colleagues as well. She is the one boiling jams, setting an example for all women and daughters.

When I think of her, I see an extensive network of familiar women.

In her childhood experience, there is often the shadow of parental illness, death, or the traumatic impact of exile or deportation. This heavy burden lies over the entire family. Maybe her father or both parents were alcoholics. If she grew up in the 1990s, perhaps she witnessed her parents losing their jobs or saw them buried under the demands of work.

That’s why Cinderella has always had to handle everything on her own. She had to take care of her little brother or sister, cook meals, or carry out whatever responsibilities were assigned to her. For example, bringing her father home from the garage, where he spent evenings drinking with his friends. Or being the emotional pillar for her mother or father, listening to their woes about a failed life after they had been drinking. Maybe she had to comfort and defend her mother after a violent argument with her father or another partner.

Cinderella might also have served as an emotional “dumping ground” for her parents after a tough day at work, a conflict with their boss, or an argument with their partner. Their anger had to be released somewhere, and Cinderella—whether young or grown—was always there to hear everything they had built up over the day, the week, or even the past year.

“For what reason?” you might ask.
“For no reason at all.”
Or rather, for the messy drawer that wasn’t cleaned properly—especially after the parent had dumped its contents onto the floor.

Today, we would call this emotional abuse. But back then, it was simply considered “good parenting”—a way to raise a proper human being.

The Consequences of the Cinderella Experience

One of the major consequences of this experience is a deeply ingrained sense of guilt. If someone in the room is unhappy, Cinderella will do everything to make them smile again.

Other serious consequences include:

• Overworking herself to the point of burnout.
• Developing chronic exhaustion, vegetative dystonia, and a range of other psychosomatic symptoms.
• In relationships, Cinderella will try to handle everything alone—all the problems, all the responsibilities of the household, children, and emotional labor.
• The belief that a good woman and mother must manage everything by herself.

You’ll hear her say:

• “I have to handle everything.”
• “I have to be strong.”
• “I have to do this.”
• “If I don’t, no one else will.”

She carries an immense workload and an even greater sense of responsibility.
And life rushes by…

And yet, despite being so good, so kind, and so giving,
every “Prince Charming” she meets somehow turns into the “Evil Knight.”