Emotional Abuse:
“I felt helpless. I tried talking to my husband about how he also needs to take care of our child. I got angry when he refused, saying he needs to plan his time in advance and be notified exactly when and for how long he will have to watch our child. He comes home, sits in his office, and only comes out to eat—but even then, he doesn’t help with childcare. My phone battery died, and he said he wouldn’t give me his charger. Out of desperation and helplessness, I started yelling at him that I hate him!”
Control & Emotional Outbursts
Emotional abuse typically manifests in two ways:
✔ As a form of control
✔ As an outlet for unprocessed emotions
Emotional outbursts occur when someone is frustrated by a situation at home or outside but then takes it out on their partner through criticism, rudeness, or withdrawal—often leaving the partner confused and unaware of what is happening.
Emotional Abuse as a Form of Control
When control is the driving force behind emotional abuse, there are no limits to the methods used.
Examples include:
✔ Neglecting shared responsibilities, such as refusing to care for a child.
✔ Withholding basic necessities, such as not sharing a phone charger.
✔ Financial restriction, limiting the other person’s access to money.
✔ Mocking emotions, dismissing tears or distress with phrases like “Stop whining!”
✔ Cold, dismissive, or degrading responses to emotional expressions.
These behaviors serve one purpose:
✔ To create a sense of power and superiority in one partner.
✔ To leave the other feeling helpless, frustrated, and trapped.
Why Victims Blame Themselves
When I speak with women in therapy who are experiencing emotional abuse, they often blame themselves for the situation:
✔ “Maybe my coffee was too cold.”
✔ “Maybe I don’t cook well enough.”
✔ “He took responsibility for planning our life together.”
✔ “He paid for the wedding, the house—he takes care of everything.”
For women with low self-esteem, these patterns make them feel unworthy of equal treatment and prevent them from demanding respect and love as a necessity in relationships.
I feel deeply sorry that many people still don’t believe they deserve kindness and respect. Even worse, some internalize blame, believing that if their partner is rude or emotionally abusive, it must be their fault.
However, without serious self-work, these patterns will not change.
💡 Everyone deserves to be in a healthy, supportive relationship, where household and parenting responsibilities are shared equally—not placed on grandparents or other relatives as a workaround for an absent father.
The Absent Father & Lost Relationships
Too often, I hear situations where, when a father is left in charge of the child, his mother (the grandmother) is immediately involved.
While having more loving adults around a child is beneficial, the downside is that the father never builds his own relationship with his child.
In therapy, I frequently hear statements like:
✔ “My father is still alive, but we don’t talk. The last time I saw him was at my mother’s funeral.”
✔ “My father was never much of a talker.”
✔ “He’s in a nursing home, and I don’t feel like visiting because we were never close.”
It saddens me that so many people experience this distance in their family relationships.
When Parenting Instincts Don’t Develop
In some cases, a mother or father’s parental instincts never fully awaken, leading to emotional disconnection and perceiving the child as a burden.
This lack of early bonding can make it even harder for the parent to form a secure attachment with the child later in life.
However, our brains are flexible—and it is never too late to learn what was once unknown.
✔ We can learn languages.
✔ We can learn to cook.
✔ We can learn to communicate and build emotional bonds.
Healing Through Physical Connection
In my therapy practice, I have seen remarkable changes in relationships—even with something as simple as touch.
✔ If hugs, kisses, or affectionate gestures were previously absent in a relationship, they can gradually become familiar, comfortable, and even enjoyable over time.
I truly believe that if there is enough motivation, people can develop a wide range of new skills—including learning to connect with their children and communicate more effectively.
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