Narcissism

Reflections after a conversation with a client.

Narcissism is not always as grandiose as it may seem. It can also be hidden in learned helplessness. In this sense, a person is very willing to shift their responsibility onto other people. Even in small things, such as reserving a table at a restaurant, paying the bill, tidying up the house, and cooking.

There comes a moment when a person realizes that they are doing everything on their own, while the other person always comes home tired from work or continues to look for a new job, having left their previous one three times in the last year. Of course, I am exaggerating, but the dynamics of the relationship are clear.

After our happy meeting, he held my hand, it was a real soul connection.

But then there comes a moment when suddenly and unexpectedly an argument breaks out – anger and dissatisfaction appear about who will pay the bill, cook dinner, etc.

Therefore, when forming a relationship, it is important to remember that what you do at the beginning of the relationship will be expected of you for the rest of the time.

Otherwise, disappointment, dissatisfaction, and arguments will follow.

Arguments about anything, including open, public provocations, even in front of friends and relatives, and any reaction from your partner will be seen as emotionally unstable, inappropriate, and inadequate. And the person who comes to therapy asks: “Why do I react so exaggeratedly? Maybe I’m going crazy?” And then, as a result of therapy, the client realizes that they have been participating in a game they didn’t know about, playing against their will according to someone else’s rules, and once they realize this, they naturally want to stop playing the game, but it is not easy, because the other person does not stop provoking.

If at some point the partner stops supporting the emotionally, financially or otherwise helpless narcissist, then he quickly starts looking for another ideal victim who will listen, emotional support and to whom they can complain about their bad, unsympathetic partner, who is tired of listening for years about their bad business partner, boss, government, etc. These situations can be related to both episodes of cheating and actually leaving for another partner, with the hope that this partner will understand, support, and provide financially.