In recent days, I have had to delve deeply into the topic of what it means to love yourself.
Many people think that loving yourself means pampering yourself, beauty rituals, or reciting positive affirmations in front of the mirror. All of these can help, but true self-love is much more than that. For example, loving yourself means entering into a conscious relationship with your body and your conscious and unconscious inner world. It means meeting and getting to know not only your strengths and achievements, but also your wounds, shadows, and pain, as well as your vulnerability, and still choosing yourself and not punishing, beating, or berating yourself for mistakes or misunderstandings.
Loving yourself is healthy selfishness, where I choose myself, give preference to myself and my feelings, even if it may cause discomfort to someone else, does not fit in with their plans, or causes anger if I do not act in accordance with their expectations. Loving yourself also means staying in a bad relationship in order to set healthy boundaries. It is also the courage to say “no” when you feel that someone wants to use you or is already using you to satisfy their needs. And it is also the gentleness and acceptance to say “yes” to what nourishes your body, mind, and soul. And it is also the patience to accept that you are in a process and that growth still takes time, because ultimately we know that individuation never ends.
From an analytical psychology perspective, self-love means always maintaining a connection with the Self, or the center of the psyche that leads us to wholeness. When we follow the call of the Self, even when it is difficult, we are following our true path, which we are called to follow. We do not betray ourselves, and thus self-love is not just an emotion that is felt from time to time. It is a daily practice that involves remaining true to ourselves in consciousness, in shadow, in strength, and in weakness. And so, when we learn to love ourselves in this deepest sense, we also free up the ability to love other people more authentically. Because only from inner wholeness can true, living relationships be formed. Because when you follow yourself, real people come to you, you don’t expect them, but they come.
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