Retraumatization

This is an adaptive response that has developed to overcome a traumatic situation. If we were to observe from the outside, we might think that the person is exaggerating. Exaggerating their fear of the dark, their fear of their boss, their fear of their partner, etc. in situations where nothing particularly unusual is happening. When I think about my work with clients, many situations come to mind that help illustrate retraumatization.

Why am I choosing to write about this right now? Because there are many people whose daily lives are filled with emotional pain and suffering that actually prevents them from getting up in the morning, going to work, taking care of their children, and doing everyday things. It prevents them from functioning normally, and as a result, they miss out on the changing seasons, politics, and other issues that seem insignificant because the main thing is emotional survival—getting through each day is the fundamental issue that must be dealt with at every moment.

How does this happen and how does the threat of retraumatization interfere with everyday life? For example, a person who has repeatedly experienced rejection from their parents (emotional abuse) has not learned to form secure attachments, goes to school and experiences the same thing there, remains an outcast, ridiculed, and later, as an adult, may react painfully to jokes or criticism from friends, colleagues, or acquaintances. They worry about this and fear the possibility of feeling ridiculed, uninteresting, and rejected again. He may feel that he is being avoided at social events, he may feel that no one talks to him, or that he is regularly interrupted, etc. He feels invisible and unheard. Therefore, he will most likely avoid events where he has experienced this retraumatization or where there is a risk of experiencing it again.

Women (and men) who have suffered sexual violence may suddenly remember the violence (flashback) during intimacy, recalling all the emotions associated with it, which makes intimacy emotionally difficult or even impossible.

If a child has experienced horror in their relationship with their parents because of their mistakes, because their parents have expressed aggression physically or verbally, such as by shouting or moralizing for hours, and if the child has been emotionally traumatized by this, then as they grow up, study, form relationships, and work, it does not go away. Dissociation (confusion, a kind of disconnection from reality that prevents one from reacting and responding appropriately) can become the main defense mechanism in moments when a teacher or boss displays aggression or a reaction similar to that of a parent, then we see a lack of reaction or an inability to respond adequately; also a frightened and blushing colleague who may start crying, as we would see from the outside, over nothing.

Retraumatization can also occur in the most unexpected situations, for example, while eating meatball soup, memories of violence from a father who forced him to eat it as a child may flash back. When going on a hike with friends or colleagues, when they start communicating with each other, memories of parents or classmates who ignored you as a child may come back, etc. Untransformed traumatic experiences can often turn into self-harm, so it is important to pay attention to this.

There are many films on this topic, but one of the most vivid, in my opinion, is Patrick Melrose. With this article, I would like to encourage everyone to listen to themselves, as well as look around and notice what is happening to everyone and how relationships with others are formed.