I would like to expand on the topic of trauma connections by including aspects of alcoholism and codependency, also through a systemic and Jungian perspective.
The family and relationships are like a whole system in which each member plays a specific role. When alcoholism enters the system, it becomes the center of the entire system, around which all other roles in the system revolve. A person who is dependent on excessive alcohol consumption brings to the surface the suppressed trauma, family history secrets, and/or repressed emotions of this system. In this case, the partner takes on the role of “Rescuer,” trying to hold together the crumbling, collapsing system, striving to maintain a “normal” life, but at the same time, the disease deepens. The relationship becomes a traumatically attached bond, where moments of pain and emotional intensity replace true intimacy. In relationships with addiction, emotions become either exaggerated or completely suppressed.
Anger, fear, and guilt alternate with hope, euphoria, and declarations of love after episodes of deep and painful crisis. These extreme emotional swings trigger dopamine and cortisol cycles in the brain that maintain a strong attachment, even when the relationship is clearly toxic. All of this creates a powerful illusion that these people cannot live without each other, when in reality it is an addiction to emotional intensity rather than love.
In analytical psychology, the trauma bond is comparable to the shadow bond, as it is a completely unconscious attachment based not on freedom but on hurt. Alcoholism could symbolize an attempt to touch the transcendental, but in reality it can be compared to a moment of clouding of consciousness, or a moment when the ego is completely under the power of the shadow, which is the path of the shadow that completely destroys the ego in an uncontrolled manner. The codependent identifies with the archetype of the Savior or Mother, and thus unconsciously reinforces the established trauma bond with their emotions and energy. In such relationships, the traumatized Inner Child, or Abandoned Child archetype, is activated, and it is this part that wholeheartedly believes that love is suffering and repeatedly chooses partners who evoke the same familiar emotions associated with childhood trauma.
The trauma connection is both a systemic or family connection as a family model that is unconsciously repeated through generations. It is also an archetypal connection, like the ancient story of the victim and the savior, which keeps both partners trapped in a prison, delaying their individuation, or development.
In this relationship model, emotions become not a bridge to closeness, as they should be, but chains that hold both partners together. The partners do not freely choose each other, but are symbolically bound by the power of trauma.
And it is important to understand that when looking for different paths to healing, one should always start with emotions, because in my practical experience, people most often say that they feel nothing, which means that they have dissociated themselves from their feelings. At least at the moment when the crisis is over, when there is an active relationship crisis, the feelings are both deep and intense. Therefore, first of all, you should recognize your emotions and separate them from illusions about relationships and your partner. It is important to remember that the intensity of emotions does not necessarily mean love.
It is also important to recognize the archetypes that exist in the psyche and are currently dominant, such as the Mother, the Savior, and the Victim, and to refrain from identifying with them.
It is also important to try to build authentic relationships based on freedom rather than forced attachment.
Finally, the path to individuation requires that the transformation of traumatic bonds means that a person stops repeating early wounds over and over again and begins to build a new, healthy path with themselves, with others, and with life.
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